How to Save the Universe Without Really Trying by John Cusick

Author:John Cusick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2020-08-13T00:00:00+00:00

25

ON THE DILAPIDATED BRIDGE of the SS SunStar, there was a lot of hugging going on.

“You’re not dead!” Lola was saying, hugging Phin so tightly she lifted him off his feet.

“I’m not dead. I’m definitely not dead,” he said. “But I will be if you don’t let me breathe!”

“Sorry!” said Lola, and released him.

“Where have you been?” Phin asked, hugging Lola now. “I was going to teleport away and then I thought, no, Lola needs my help, but it looks like you totally didn’t need my help. Well, you did a bit toward the end, but the point is I stayed to find you! Aren’t you proud of me?”

“We’re alive!” shouted Lola.

“We’re alive!” shouted Phin. “And we’re going to die any second!”

“I’m feeling a lot of very conflicting feelings right now!” said Lola, a smile and a grimace fighting to gain control of her face. “What’s going on?”

“We were yanked out of hyperspace,” said Phin, “and I think I know why.” He pulled something out of his tux and tossed it to Lola. It was the lavender invitation. “I’m pretty sure that asteroid we struck is Satellite B.”

“The Triumvirate of Pong!” said Lola.

“Precisely,” said Phin. “But more pressingly, the ship is out of control,” he added, reeling toward the guidance system. “The asteroid did a number on it, and I’m pretty sure someone’s spilled egg salad on the navigation system.”

“Can you get control again?” Lola asked. “Oh, Phin, you should have seen it,” she rushed on, “I met some Bog Mutants, but they weren’t evil—”

“Who said all Bog Mutants were evil?” said Phin, then waved this silly thought away. “And yes, I think I can regain control, but I’ll have to reroute power from the—”

“Excuse me,” said a voice behind them.

It was Gabby.

She was leaning woozily against one of the command terminals, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Hi,” said Phin. “Who are you?”

“Uh,” said Lola, her smile utterly and completely losing the battle for her face. “This is . . . Gabby,” she said.

“Great,” said Phin. “Why is she pointing a gun at us?”

Gabby straightened to her full height, leveling the molecular destabilizer she was holding on Phin and Lola simultaneously—which may sound odd, if you’ve never seen a molecular destabilizer before. They are very nasty weapons with bifurcated barrels, allowing the wielder to kill two people at once in very nasty ways. Gabby’s destabilizer was set to obliterate.

“Gabby?” said Lola. “What are you doing?”

“Step away from the guidance system,” she told Phin, and pressed her free hand to her throbbing head. “And tell me immediately if you have any aspirin.”

“No,” said Phin, not moving.

“To which part?” said Gabby.

“Either?” said Phin. “Listen, whoever you are—”

“Her name’s Gabby,” said Lola.

“It isn’t,” said Gabby.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Phin. “If I don’t get control of this ship in the next three minutes, we’re all going to be toast. And not metaphorically.”

“Correction,” said Gabby, who was not really a Gabby or a Gallabulala at all. “You will be toast. She and I will be miles away.

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